A True Smile

Smiling? I do. Sometimes. I guess. It's hard when all you feel is pain. When all you can see is terrible things. Sora, I suppose, is my smile. He is my everything. My greatest, happiest, fondest, memories are from my beloved. The only reason I am alive. haha, He has saved me so often. He tried so hard to save me from things he couldn't really see. I so wish he had. So often. All the time. It can be so hard to live when all you want is to die. Everything has been taken from me. Ripped away with no remorse what so ever. No, they enjoyed it. Taking anything and everything from me. No I sit here wishing I could just be put out of my misery. Living each day, seeing the sun, knowing, knowing that they are free and I, I am not. Trapped in my own skin. My mind consumed by the horrific images flashing on a continuous real through my head. I try so hard to scratch the filth from my skin, till I bleed. Will I ever not be a victim? Will I ever be safe? They say yes, but how can they really know. It has happened so many times. I feel so disgusting. So broken. Empty. Incomplete, forever. And there is no remorse for what was stolen from me at gun point. How can people be so cruel. I dream of days of beauty, with my beloved. Only he has every been in my dreams, my fantasies. They are so sweet, so melodic, comforting. That is they life I want. To be a painter. To live with my love  and travel the world and see it's wonders. To get lost in each other. When he is with me, there are moments I believe he could erase it all. Change to broken. Set me free. I know he wants to. I.....wish I could smile...i.....