We Went Shopping

I hate it. I love it. It tires me so. As does it him. The people. The aesthetics. I become so overwhelmed by all the.....stuff. But I have this little thing were I really do like to buy things, specific things. I don't just like buying. I have goals. Items in which I have found a desire to own. Which I find weird. Cause I do not like wanting. I feel it a sin to want anything. There are so many who have nothing. Sigh. I've been there. Having nothing. I am sooooo there mentally and spiritually. I am completely empty. I feel like shopping helps sometimes. I feel worth something when I spend money. Well even more so when he spends it on me. Mm. Sigh but I feel guilty all the time. I'm glad we don't do it often. I much rather enjoy our cuddle time. He is so incredible at it. I got lost in him, my teddy bear.