Being With People

I found out today I can't remember how. I wonder if I ever really have. It made me so sad. I don't feel normal. What ever that means. When I look back most of my memories are covered in pain. I feel like crying. Am I even human? Some one who only knows abuse as love? They say that's not true, that that isn't love, if it hurts...then why did they say that? what is...real love.....i  thought I knew...