What I Am

A warrior. Fighting for the truth. Fighting for true love. Sigh, awwwawwwwwwwwww, I am so in love it's silly. Hee, hee. I am so proud to be married to just a great man, a gentleman. Hmm, sigh. He does make my life a better place to be. I am a lover. Of my beloveds soul. Heart. Spirit. It is an amazing sight to see. We are doing what we can to be who we are. True love.
I have discovered so much about myself in the last year. It has been really great. To be me, and be happy about that. I can never imagine being some one else. I especially cannot see my self with anyone else, they just could never measure up.

The People Know

It amuses me, of the reality being expressed by people hundreds of miles away, who I haven't seen in so long, who, at some points, I haven't spoken to in what seems like for ever, know. That they can know how much we are in love with each other. People who can confirm the truth, the truth that so many others try to get me to doubt. What kind of person I am. Who we are to each other, always have been. I believe we were born to be each others. Sakura and Sora forever. They know that just through my voice, through our experiences, how much love we have for each other. Unending. Unconditional. It blows my mind that so many different souls, form different places, from different walks of life, can all come to the same conclusion. Free thinkers knowing a truth about a two single, yet combined, human beings. It is like magic that cannot be explained. He never gave up on me, even when I was so ready. He never, ever, left my heart and soul alone. Thank you, those of you who have proven me wrong and believed in this love. In my love. For exposing my doubts and giving me a small seed of hope...

Who You Are

"Tell me who loves thee, and I shall tell you who you are", Or something like that. A quote. By a Aristotle I believe  not sure though. For most of my life that has been abusers. So what did that make me? I am not entirely sure. I feel myself waning. So many times, wanting to not exist. But then I see his eyes or read the words of my favorite philosophers and poets, and I feel alive. I want to be known by the love my Sora gives. Even if it is only one person who loves me. I think I could live. His love his so amazing, so deep, so strong. Not demanding, no fear, no shame or guilt. Nothing to tell me I'm worthless. I am so mystified by his love for me. I, at the small moments of time, dream to show the world what love really is, by reflecting what he gives. The only one to sacrifice. To fight. to save. To never, ever give up. To look past the pain. To discover my weakness, my burden, my shame of wanting pain. And he just simply but complicatedly just loves me, forever.

In The Sky

I love fireworks. I haven't seen them of July the fourth for about four years. Lived in a place in was against the law. Memories. My best firework experiences have all been within the last seven years, so the three years prior to the last four, haha, wow. And they have all been with Sora. Hee, he has always made my memories a better a place. No matter how broken and lost I seem to get. How far I fall, he's there. I wish he could have been there tonight. As they lit up the sky. We sat in the harbor. It was spectacular. The show started even before the show started, haha. Everywhere around us fireworks of all kinds were being set off. High in the sky to squealing on the ground. I was so giddy. It was nice to be in a happy moment since...since those times. I can still here people setting the sky on fire as I type. Two hours later, into the night. Silly people, I'm glad their having fun. I hope they are all being safe. Probably not, but hey, one can hope. Now that I have started to get a spark of it, hope, it sometimes feels contagious. Sometimes it flows into parts of my mind I don't need hope. Well, I shouldn't want it there. The heart can be an evil thing. I wish I could watch fireworks all night long. I wish That's all I could think about. I wish...

Thinking In Future

So weird thoughts lately, I realization I suppose to be more accurate. I have always thought about what I wanted, dreamed about future things but I have never actually planned they would happen. Honestly i never planned to live this long. I was sure I would of died or killed myself. I was close. However, spending all this amazing time with my beloved, I have for the first time seen a light in my future. It amazes me the greatness of his love that has continually shown to me unconditionally, well the only condition is that I remain alive. I have never experience such a thing from anyone. I had always hoped such a love existed. I had believed for so long in a religion that I believed to hold such a key. Of course that dreams was shattered of the wait of lies and deception crushed everything I was for so many long years. Now I have been given a life, through everything he has given me. I am wary of clinging to any human still. I still have this concept I fight with in my head about my uselessness, my wretchedness. But, god, how I love this man who has continued to rescue me from the clutches of the sad, pathetic past of mine. Now I begin to write down plans for an amazing adventure everyday with him. He works so hard for us, he is only human but he works so damn hard for something that I have not been able to truly believe. It has been something at the core what I dearly believe for every cognitive moment of my being. The words that he expresses are so clearly shown in his actions, making want to share the world with him in every way I possibly can. Oh to think the places we will go, the things we will see around the world. Traveling to far away places of beauty and realities unknown to us in the shelters place of these states. The hope of owning a little place not far from the cost to call our own. I would always talk about it out of routine lines along which path a life should being taking in their next steps. These days have been an entirely new experience in this area of the future. I actually have hope. Making me smile deep inside, knowing that this is the best revenge I could lay out for those wretches who've thought they blackened my life. You fucked up my past but hell if I'm letting you have anything to do with my future.

The Soul Journey

So I have decided to make this blog a visual for me, and others, as I take this journey to find myself. It will be a road of long coming in discovery. I will be searching and researching the religion of the earth, the spiritual source that calls to me. Please don't judge. Don't correct. This is for me. And those who want something to follow. This is not a place to violently criticize. I want hope. I want love. I long to know myself for what i was meant to be. my Past took that from me. I sacrificed myself for 25 years, for nothing. This will  be an undoing, a rebirth. I have had many struggles. I have had much pain. I have had many turmoils. I am not bragging. I am not proclaiming to be more of a martyr then you or whoever. This is my declaration of my truths and my exploration of my soul. Feel free to join me, and know there is love here. For that is what I desire.