No Happy End

At one point I believe I may have had pleasant dreams, but I can never be sure. My first memory of dreams are, well, nightmares or night terrors most of the time, to be more accurate. I can still see so many of those images plastered to the back of my eyelids, forever an imprint on my broken mind. Being tortured. Living in a cage. Naked and...an..d.....well, things children shouldn't know about......ever. My poor computer, I hope tears don't cause a short. ........................how am I ....normal......I feel like I should be how I feel on the inside. Broken. Scarred. Bruised. Shattered. Mangled. Burned. My soul looks nothing like what my physical being shows. Not pretty at all. Not a person. A being.
How sad is it to be a person who loved so many and is now so alone? Broken by the price payed to ones,who.....were so willing to take? Once so full of dreams now drowning in nightmares. Afraid of human contact, of the outside world. Wanting each day to be the last. What little girl dreams of being a victim.....all her life? How do you deal with that? Tell me, how do you fix it? How do you stop being so?? Is it every really safe. Sigh. I don't think I can last much longer in my own head. It's...becoming...so much harder....
I wish he would just let me fall of the edge. He won't have to see anything. I can make sure no one will ever find my bloody mess. He's the only one that cares. That stands in my way of the dark place. Sigh. I want him to be happy. I don't think I can do that. I am, so broken, I don't know how to be whole, happy. I look and realize I never really have been. Well deeply. For myself. I don't even know I am, and I am losing even that.
We are closer. I am freer. I am safer with him then I have ever been in my entire life. He makes smile. He keeps my cold frame so warm. He is so sweet. So gentle. His sent is so comforting. No one, ever, has loved me like he. My love, my beloved, My Sora. My forever and only. He is the only one who know me, all of me. Everything. Cut open before him like fresh prey before a predator. All the deepest darkest parts revealed. And yet he does not feast. He does not turn away. He wants to heal. To hold. To love. To save.
I just can't be a princess anymore.
They took it, they took it all.
So.