Did I Survive

I know what it is like to die. To want to surrender life. To, in a sense, stop feeling. To be so numb. To not exist. Like what I was created an empty place in space and time. So alone and lonely. So pressed down, depression had become my identity.
Hope was very far gone from everything close. To me my purpose was to not be. I understood hamlet well.
I had forsaken God, for I had believed he had done the same.
But I was wrong. He had never left. He had always been there. I had chosen to believe that pain was the only choice. That fear of everything else was so much great. I lived that choice and paid a great price for it.
But he sat patently waiting for me to turn to him. To run with everything so he could take it. He loves me so much, and yet I doubted him. That is unforgivable. And yet he has done just that, forgiven me.
There is hope in the middle of the storms. Even when we choose to let go, but even more so when we choose to cling to his. Amazing love. I have no doubt that God is alive.

Got It Out

Glad I got that one out, sigh, I guess that I just really need to get it off my chest sometimes, haha. Sigh. I am, soooooooooooooo in love, hehee, sorry....I was just thinking, and it sorta just came over, teehee, more then that even, I suppose, I just like knowing how incredible he is. No one better for me. And I am not fond of wind. But man, was it ever a great day today, weather wise. I hope there can be a fun adventure for us tomorrow...oh yea, heehee, my beloved, sigh....becoming free, um, er, I just can't help but fall for his charm. Hhmmmmm, my sweet, sweet darling, how I long for his arms around me, my sanctuary...ooo poem?

What I Am

A warrior. Fighting for the truth. Fighting for true love. Sigh, awwwawwwwwwwwww, I am so in love it's silly. Hee, hee. I am so proud to be married to just a great man, a gentleman. Hmm, sigh. He does make my life a better place to be. I am a lover. Of my beloveds soul. Heart. Spirit. It is an amazing sight to see. We are doing what we can to be who we are. True love.
I have discovered so much about myself in the last year. It has been really great. To be me, and be happy about that. I can never imagine being some one else. I especially cannot see my self with anyone else, they just could never measure up.

Please Take Two

Take two minutes everyday

For freedom and liberty

For every man and woman who have GIVEN THEIR LIVES in these pursuits through the centuries and across the world

Remember in silence their deaths given, freely, but with such a hi high price

American Revolution War – 50,000+

French-American War – 556+

War of 1812 – 25,000+

American Civil War – 646,392+

Spanish-American War – 4,068+

World War I – 320,518+ [missing3,350+]

World War II – 1,076,245+ [30,314+]

Korean War – 128,650+ [4,756+]

Vietnam War – Cold war – 211,454+ [2,489]

War on Terror – 96,860+

1775-present death total of American fighters= 2,722,991*

[*including multiple Indian/Island/Expeditions/Other nations -/Wars 0f 1813-1848]

Take two minutes every day for the DEATHS of World Earthly Disaster

Indonesia Tsunami - 230,273–310,000

Haiti Earthquake - 316,000

Burma Cyclones - 138,366

Katrina – 1,836

…and so many more

Take two minutes every day for all those who DIE from Famine every day

Who starve to death, everyday

25,000 People Every Day

1 in 6 Americans

Take two minutes every day for all those who DIE from Aids every day

1.5 million Every year

At least 4110 every day

One Every 20 Seconds

Take two minutes every day for all those who DIE from Malaria every day

About 1 million every year

%90 of them in Africa

Take two minutes every day for all those who DIE from Poverty Every day

People Die of Disease and Hunger and

Could be fed

Saved

Cost 195 billion a year

That is a about $30 a month per person

A Dollar a day to

Feed, Medicate, Clothe, and Educate

All people who need it worldwide

Take two minutes every day for all those Modern Slaves every day

Worldwide

12 – 27 million Worldwide are slaves

Today

2.45 million people are being trafficked in the world at any given moment

half of those being trafficked are for commercial sex exploitation

Take two minutes every day for all those who DIE from Suicide Every day

About 300,000 worldwide

30,000 or so are within the US

750,000 or so Americans attempt suicide every year

About 82 a day complete that attempt

Take two minutes every day for all those who must DEAL with repercussions on Rape/Sexual Assault every day in the US

207,754 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year

That are report in the US

1 sexual assault every 152 seconds, or about 1 every 2 minutes.

2 minutes

That last for a lifetime

Take two minutes every day for all those who SUFFER from a Mental Illness, including Eating disorders

estimated 26.2 percent of Americans ages 18 and older, about one in four adults, suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder a year

57.7 million People

In the US

1 in 17, suffer from a serious mental illness

Take at least 20 minutes everything to think about others

Give silence and respect for those who die and suffer

And ask yourself

Who am I and what am I doing?

Don’t compare

Just

REMEMBER

Justice In Death

As I travel through this predicament, this pain, I have beliefs. An understanding, of myself.
I am weak.
If I can't make it through this, if I die, killed by another, if my body can't take it any longer, if I take my own life, or when, I hope it will be a truth told to the world....
How the justice system can turn on a victim
How cruel they can be.
How they can blame me for what was forced upon me. The horrible things I was made to do.
The shame I am made to endure...all for the sake of others.
To protect those who came to hate me because of the monster who consumed me, body and soul. Took everything from me, and continues to try.
I want my death to proclaim the injustice given to victims world wide.
Mostly the women of the world, but also those men who where forced to endure horrible things.
When the wombs that carry the life of the world are tortured and treated as objects, as things, then the entire world suffers. This is a truth we cannot escape.
But why should be made to continue on in this life with these disgusting memories? Why should I have to pay the price, again, for the crimes of another?
I am tortured daily by the reminder of what I was made to do...just, so others would not suffer as I had, so that others would not die, so that those I loved would not be harmed.
Now I sit here dying because my body rejects everything that had been forced upon it. Can I ever live a normal life? Can I live?
I believe that answer to be know. Now one should be punished for the disgusting things that have been forced upon me.
The Pain.
The shame.
The horror.
And the fact that if I die, in a way they do win, but maybe other's will be saved, will be heard.
Because while I lived many did not listen.
They let it happen.
They punished me for the pain I was suffering.
They let it happen. And made me pay for it.
What is the point..........
There is no such thing as justice.....

Happy Engagement Day

As it comes to an end. As the day closes and opens to a new one. As we pass on this day of celebration of so many wonderful years promised to each other, my beloved and I. We are forever, we are one, till the end.

Airing Of Grievances

I could say there is much for me to feel ill about. So much pain. Sigh. But I can't feel angry. I think I was for bits, and some times for pieces, but never wholly or continually. I just cannot feel that way. I feel sorrow, overbearing sorrow. Sadness. So much. It is to much. Weighing me down. I feel like crying out my tears and my fears for all the world to hear, alas they will fall on def ears. Like they have for all my life. And now I sit alone, wanting nothing to do with this world, ever again. So much easier to just hide away. To die. Sigh. I just can't take all this horror in my head. Repeating over and over everything, so disgusting. And people dare to label that love. If that is so...i don't want it.....so in this i will....grieve....