The Rise Against

So, it has bee awhile. Writing here, for you. I apologies, I have been far from healthy physically or mentally. I hit a severe breaking point and there wasn't must that would have taken me over the edge. A lot of my present situation has brought my spirit below the level fro the will to live. My Life has been so crappy and I have no guarantee that the future shall be much better. I mean my beloved Sora has been fighting for my soul and heart, and while many have left me as a hopeless cause, there are some that continue to amaze me in the pursuit of me. My past hasn't shown me this could have ever been possible. So natural this does not compute in my fucked up mind very well. I have been trying to write it all out. To compose the dance I was forced to parade about in from such a long time ago, has been found to be severely painful, if not insufferable. To lay out before me in black and white the sorrows scripted upon my inner being has shown me just of how little importance my life has been to people. I have heard those words, I love you, but let me tell you the actions accompanying that corrupt phrase has been far from the true definition. My dream, was, had been for as long as I can remember, to share love in a place, in a world that only takes and leaves us empty. But alas, I loved to much as an imperfect person. It was never enough. Of course because of my simple, yet unmeant twisted past my view of loves was that I was nothing but a toy to be used. I was not to worry about my happiness. My pain never mattered. So I buried it. And now I am here. In the Summer of my life stuck in a Desert of essence. So I am burning up into nothing. And whether some like it or not, I really don't think I can hold on much longer. Yes now I may smile. Or force the idea of future. But how can my brokenness ever be happy?