The Wind Blows

It feels as if this storm does not want to stop, as if it really has no intention to do so. I am in a way fine with that. I tried to keep myself asleep for, well ever if I could, last night, Sigh. I know I really don't need to work hard at it. But I believe I must prove something first. It is more to show. That I was not wrong, but very much wrong, then left to be feed to the wolves. I had never been so shocked I think, to know how cold supposed people who follow a doctrine of love could. I had always tried to believe that those places where indeed where you could find unconditional love. No hoops to jump trough, just love me through this. I had hoped I would be rescued, Instead I feel like I was lead before the people with a false crime and told I was to be stoned. And so I was. But those that judge in the stead of god's will pay a great price, according to their writings. I am not afraid of this. Indeed, for I know Iwas not wrong, it was not me. Being batter and broken and forcing to hide it to save lives, well, how can that be wrong. I do wish this storm would blow me away, far, far away from people and their cruelties. Their harmful words and brutal actions. Sigh, I wish I would stop crying, so I can smile for him. Maybe that is a goal. To try and smile. So simple yet so very difficult. I wish I had the strength of the wind. To know when weather must be pulled in or pushed out or just chill and enjoy the ride. Yes, the wind, what a wise being.

Being All Alone

I have spent a good weekend with my beloved. He has taken my hand and moved me through this weakness of mine to try and live life. Something I dare say, I suck at. Ha, yea well when you never really learn how and yet continue to plague the planet with your essence someone needs to teach ya. You also have to be willing to learn, which when you hate life...um yeah. Sigh, But I try for him. Because he loves me. I want to make sure he has a life set up for him so that I won't have to infect his life much longer. I know I do, he doesn't just it because  of course he loves me. I have no doubts. I'm just not good for any one. And in this thought I feel very, well alone. In my thoughts, dreams, ideas, life. It's because I feel so different, so off. Like I don't belong anywhere. That I was a mistake. And the world keeps trying to make up for it. If I'm not around how can I be vex anything beautiful again? I can't. Maybe my soul will cycle through and become something better. Or become the grimy slime I am. Yes well, I suppose my words make you feel better. She has a life of hell, of course everyone's is better. Who would care to be me. Hell someday will consume me for existing. I mean What kind of twisted person should be kept alive. I like the pain, the suffering. The bruises and brokenness. Not much ambition here is there?