We Went Shopping

I hate it. I love it. It tires me so. As does it him. The people. The aesthetics. I become so overwhelmed by all the.....stuff. But I have this little thing were I really do like to buy things, specific things. I don't just like buying. I have goals. Items in which I have found a desire to own. Which I find weird. Cause I do not like wanting. I feel it a sin to want anything. There are so many who have nothing. Sigh. I've been there. Having nothing. I am sooooo there mentally and spiritually. I am completely empty. I feel like shopping helps sometimes. I feel worth something when I spend money. Well even more so when he spends it on me. Mm. Sigh but I feel guilty all the time. I'm glad we don't do it often. I much rather enjoy our cuddle time. He is so incredible at it. I got lost in him, my teddy bear.

My Smile, His

He made me smile today. After we spent that time crying. Holding each other. Bracing for the emotions.  After I told him he could never know what it felt like. How he had never been used so cruelly by some one you cared about, by family. But he works so hard to love me. Why me? Why does he love me? I may never know the answer. I do love how he makes me smile, like no one else ever had. I feel safe with him. He has never taken anything from me. I love him. Truly do. Always have. There has never been and will never be anyone else. He has my heart. He has my smile.

Best Day Ever

So today is the greatest day in history, in all of time. Haha to some this may be silly but the celebration of my dearest Sora, My dear love is one of the grandest things for me! He gives me purpose, life. Why would I want to live otherwise? I wouldn't. He has given me the chance to consider the worth of each breath I take. He is the truest person I have ever known. I always feel loved. He doesn't hesitate to do anything for me, unless of course it is to my demise. Something he truly despises, the hurt I have. The pain. I am overwhelming excited to celebrate the gift of my love tonight, He will know that I love appreciate him. How much I truly love him. I am far from anything that could be considered perfect. I am, truly, a horrible person. And in my opinion not the greatest to be around. And yet His favorite place to be is by my side. I am so happy for today. Because today His mother, not knowingly, gifted me the most priceless gift of all time. I know he can't save me from myself, and he isn't perfect...but he is perfect for me. I LOVE HIM!!!!! hee