In The Sky

I love fireworks. I haven't seen them of July the fourth for about four years. Lived in a place in was against the law. Memories. My best firework experiences have all been within the last seven years, so the three years prior to the last four, haha, wow. And they have all been with Sora. Hee, he has always made my memories a better a place. No matter how broken and lost I seem to get. How far I fall, he's there. I wish he could have been there tonight. As they lit up the sky. We sat in the harbor. It was spectacular. The show started even before the show started, haha. Everywhere around us fireworks of all kinds were being set off. High in the sky to squealing on the ground. I was so giddy. It was nice to be in a happy moment since...since those times. I can still here people setting the sky on fire as I type. Two hours later, into the night. Silly people, I'm glad their having fun. I hope they are all being safe. Probably not, but hey, one can hope. Now that I have started to get a spark of it, hope, it sometimes feels contagious. Sometimes it flows into parts of my mind I don't need hope. Well, I shouldn't want it there. The heart can be an evil thing. I wish I could watch fireworks all night long. I wish That's all I could think about. I wish...

Fighting In Darkness

Tonight, I sit alone discovering myself. I fight the dark thoughts of death and self-hatred with fantasies of others creation. The delight of a heartfelt story to drown out my despairs in reminiscent emotions. I look back at my life as a child flipping through a picture book. The images of what has passed haunt me like cruel poltergeist, taunting my soul. The pain rages within in me some days, some night, quieted only by the man that chooses to continue to love me unconditionally. He strives for me to just live. Is it true that now I may have a future? That everything that was once so consistent will no longer come to pass? I believe I may be hoping this to be true, for the first time. My man is becoming the greatest of them all. Fighting for me, like any real man should for the beloved. How sweet and strong he is. Holding so tightly to the weak life I am. So as I sit here pondering what the future may hold, I wish to dream of the future we are.

In The Air

You can feel it moving you. The simple little breeze moving you. this sense of purpose with no cause. Just trying to find the reason in searching. It seems to surround every inch, every place. I look at the places I once was and find it wasn't there. Yes now in this future it is in the air. Finding myself above what that simple may be.