Life Hates Me

I feel so utterly helpless, hopeless. Like ever inch of me is worthless. Like every breath I take is a joke to the world. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH. God, why have you forsaken me? Fuck!!! Waahhh. Damn I'm so pathetic. How lame can one person be. I'm sure I have set the record. My body is shaking so violently I feel as if the earth itself quakes beneath me. The tears run down my face with no way to turn them off. Sleeping feels like a wish never to be granted. Why, fuck god why? If I love it is taken away. If I share with no regret I'm left alone with less then nothing. I know that sounds over embellished, sadly it really isn't. Of course with emotion comes forth words and actions that may appear worse then when logically viewed. Sigh, How can I think, feel, understand, anything less then what is? Some say the struggles give me strength. Others say perseverance will show great treasures in the end. Then again I am reminded that no one ever proclaimed an easy path shall ensue. I hear words of encouragement stating I only need look at it all will an eye of optimism. I just can't, not anymore. It's been to much. How can a life as short as mine be so long, extended by the arm of pity-filled pain. How can I look forward without considering all that has come to pass? I have had been virtue taken by vile hands of lustful, mortal creatures. Over and over, over, over and over. Mind had upon it imprinted from as far back as I can remember the idea that my being was of no worth but abuse. To be used by anyone and everyone then thrown in a ditch, covered in filth only to wait for the next oppression. A fight for hunger. To want to be warm enough to feel my limbs. Wanting to feel a cool touch on sun-torched skin. Not knowing what tomorrow may bring. The undependable father who turned away. The inherently, bitter mother who struck those blows in all states that can never be taken back. Friends who love to take from me any fleshly desire until I was numb with emptiness. And this, those words, a small description of the truth I lie beneath. Each turn taken to dig from under it to see the light just once is rewarded with another brutal fall into the darkest, dankest pit. How shall I stay. Broken and bruised. Yes this is my way...