What I Want

I have such the urge to die right now, oooo, in horrible ways. I can see myself bleeding, lots of blood. Heavily intoxicated from alcohol and sweet  little pills, so many more than nay one should take. I see myself laughing as I watch my blood flow freely from its restraints. I laugh deeper, hysterically. Blood stained clothes, shredded, rip them away. Nothing left. MMmmm, such a hard urge to hold back, god, if I wasn't talking to him right, I just might, I have more than enough resources to accomplish this. Please, oh please let me succumb to these shattered desires, the desire to rid myself of a life in pain for several more seconds of pleasurable destruction. Watching myself sink into the depths of eternal darkness.....mmmm such a lovely image....