Things I Do

I love walking. Just about everywhere. On the beach. In the woods. Through the streets of the town. Sitting in parks. Having picnics. Taking pictures. Of people. Of nature. Of color. Painting images that form in my head. Drawing the beautiful figures of woman. The intricate curves. The delicate frames. Cuddling with my puppy. Cuddling with my lover, with just our skin touching. Hold hands. Kissing. Dancing like no one is watching. Listening to Debussy. Drinking the crisp Jasmine tea. Sleeping in my birthday suite for hours, I could go for like ten. Minimal. Maximum. Haha, I love sleep, it loves me, as well as do all the bed's that like sleeping with me. Creating delectable dishes from veggies. Chocolate, eating dark chocolate. Anytime. Anywhere. Taking bubbles baths. Alone. With Sora. Brushing my bunny. Dressing in pink. Wearing high heels. Going barefoot. Swimming. In the sea. In the rivers. Sitting in trees. Taking to time to understand who I am and what it means to be me.

Fight For Myself

I have a hard time learning the difference in that of fighting for being myself and being selfish. Being a person of simple nature, mmm, mostly. There thing of material value that catch my eye. I love fashion, close, shoes, yes. And being a creative person, which takes money to be, so sadly. I don't want to seem selfish, which I probably am. I've just had a hell of a life for only 28 and I would just like to live a little. I never really had my "child", or even really my "youth" years. As far back I can remember I had major responsibility. And I have always cared for others. Given them everything I could for their benefit. And now I have nothing. Not even those I loved so much. When times got tough, when they thought the worst, they left. Just like that. So I sit day after, mostly alone. I mean my amazing Sora would be here with me, but he is being amazing and working so hard to make a living for us. I have just been so use to, well people. Being active in activities, especially this time of year, summer. I was always so, busy. And now, nothing. At all. I walk. A lot. I like it. Even when it rains, which is like every other day. Not to bad. The wind is what gets me, if its over 20mph, no thanks. Sigh, yea. Well I just don't know how I just express myself. I mean I feel like I know what I want, but is it what I need? I mean we do need human contact? Right? Am I just cursed? OR something. I feel like a plague. I try to be positive, I really do. I may not seem like it. I try and then that happens. Starts small, I can handle this and then SLAM, fucking hell. Sigh. I wish I was over exaggerating, that would make for a good story. I would laugh and be happy it wasn't my life. I have good things sure, yea. Food, most of the time, when I can eat it. A roof over my head, even if it's not mine and the certainty of having one consecutively is slim. Sigh. I have limbs. That for some reason I can't keep from being bruise, bitten, cut or an acquired abrasion in some way. Life time a of multiple abusive, sometime all at the same time. It's hard to stay positive. I do have one person. Who loves me unconditionally. He'll do just about anything for me. He is amazing. I am a pretty messed up person, so The fact the he does so much is pretty awesome. Like immaculate awesome. So I think I'll just go shed some drops from windows. Have a great week.

I Love Food

I truly do. More then most things, not all, but most. Sadly, however, it has no love for me. Sigh. My favorites are repulsed by me. Pizza. Steak. Hamburgers. Hot dogs. Lasagna. Ahhh god, I love cheese, and milk, and meat, specifically cow. Sigh. Nope. They hate me. So now I have to be a vegan/vegetarian. It really isn't that bad. Actually some of the best things I have ever eaten. Except that steak I had in New Zealand, that was immaculate. De-lish. Sometimes the oily stuff is nice. Like, um, ooo funnel cake. I am soooooo in love with that yummy stuff. Oh, well maybe someday if a grow another gullbladder. And they say you don't need the damn thing, yeah right, try telling my body that. It's ok, I will divulge in the delicacy of the vegan world.