Hate The Bate

God, why? Why do I do this to myself? It's all just so fucking disappointing. I just need to get it all waaaaay out of my head. I will tonight, tomorrow, up to the end of this week. I will erase any factor that remained of my life that once was. What is in it to bring joy or memories worth keeping? There were once so many things that had brought me such great joy, such happiness. Now, now it is nothing. I am no longer apart of it. An I never will be again. I have become what I wanted, ha, for once in my life, I got what I wanted. To be forgot. Sigh. In way I am relieved. Sadly so. Why? Well, because of all that I gave, of the love that was shared by so many precious treasures, gone. With the snap of a finger. Not even a rumor to remain. Sigh. That is fine. All that will remain of them with be letters in the space of time. I won't even remember for why. I will erase it, all of it. From the beginning to now. As I write my story on the cover of pages to be read for future lives, I will forget. I will no longer fall foolishly before a broken spirit to their aid. No. Damn them all. ha. I guess I can never be an actual Buddhist. Or anything one with nature for that point. You can't hate life. Some say you cannot hate and love. But I do. I love this man that gives me everything. With nothing but my love in return to guide him. Now that, that is the life. I think I'll go to the river tomorrow and get my feet wet. Hm, yea, sounds like fun. After lunch with my beloved of course.